Thumbs down for Mummy 3

Moving the Mummy trilogy from Egypt to Shanghai wasn't the best move.

By replacing the sand dunes with the Himalayas, all you're left with is a predictable, unoriginal plot, based on an unstable premise and driven by stale characters and bad special effects.

If that doesn't give you an idea of why I didn't like the movie, let me walk you through it.

The movie began like any other Mummy movie – with a flash back. This time, the flashback takes us to China, were an evil Emperor is seeking immortality to go with his snazzy ability to manipulate the five elements, fire, water, wind, earth and stone. As usual, a forbidden romance interferes with the plans of the Emperor. A witch he has commissioned to ensure his immortality falls in love with his General, after the Emperor has forbidden any man to touch her. This, of course, doesn’t stop the General. His wandering hands land him a death sentence and the witch, mourning the loss of her one true love, curses the Emperor and his army into terracotta statues.

Ouch. Enter the O’Connells 2000 years later. Alex (Luke Ford) has grown up and dropped out of College to dig around in the dirt like his father before him. His parents are stuck in a romantic rut back in England, unaware of their son’s career choice and passing their time with trout fishing and writing books about their previous adventures. Chinese conspirators arrange for them to journey to Shanghai and awaken the Emperor and the shenanigans begin!

And very predictable shenanigans they are. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor has followed in the footsteps of 300 and Indiana Jones: the Crystal Skull, using history as a loose premise for nonsensical plotlines. Yetis, immortals and mummified warlords seem like an odd combination. That’s because they are. Even Alex O’Connall’s love interest is an oddity – the immortal love child of the witch and the General. Go figure.

The movie has a messy plot with cheesy special effects that lacked the supernatural thrills of the first two – little more than thin, noisy thrill-ride to nowhere. In the wake of Jet Li’s The Forbidden Kingdom earlier this year, the film has the smell of a Chinese kung fu period movie. Way overdone.

Brendan Fraser reprised his role as Rick O'Connell, but Rachel Weisz chose not to return as Evy O’Connell, citing “problems with the script” – which probably means that she read it. She was replaced with Maria Bello, who didn’t ring true. An over-the-top British accent severely disintegrated her believability, and her exaggerated acting style destroyed the character.

Sadly, all the characters were watered down and over-done. Even Jonathan – who was still good for a few slapstick laughs in between all the snoring – was just a shadow of his former self. Since we last saw him in the Mummy Returns, Jonathan has moved to Shanghai to open an Egyptian themed nightclub called Imhotep. He’s still a bumbling side-kick, and ends up riding off into the sunset in search for a land free of mummies: Peru.

If the makers of the Mummy have lost the brainwave which inspired the first two blockbusters, they haven’t realised it yet. Another yawn-fest is set to be released: The Mummy: Rise of The Aztec. The tentative release date is 2010, and if this last instalment is anything to go by, then the writers have hit their stride.

My verdict? Wait for the DVD. If you’re a die-hard Mummy fan, don’t bother. Without Imhotep and sand dunes, it’s just not the same. Keep your memories of Egypt and steer clear of the East.