Obits

OK - first assignment in a new course. Write the Obituary for Mark Felt.

Now - Mark Felt was better known in the persona "Deep Throat" - the anonymous whistleblower who blew the top off the Watergate Scandal and caused the dramatic resignation of Presidant Richard Nixon. He is also - as I discovered - not dead yet.

Writing his Obit was harder than I thought - cos even though Felt's actions stopped Nixon from avoiding justice during his term as Presidant - most people thought that Felt betrayed the White House and the FBI by leaking to the press when he should have just come forward and told the police himself. It's difficult to be nice in an Obituary when no one really had anything nice to say about the poor bastard.

Afterall - you gotta be nice to people when they're dead!

Anyway, after being nice about the "spineless traitor" for 200 words; I started to worry what would happen if someone had to write my Obit. Like Felt, not many people like me. Plus, I'm not even on Wikipedia (yet!) so they wouldn't even be able to research me properly!!!

So, to save time, I have taken the liberty and done the hard work for them!

Voila! One (hopefully premature) Obituary of yours truly!!

Jessica Lee Seymour, known by her friends as Jess, Flea, or 'Hey you with the enormous jugs!' lived a full and mildly entertaining existance with little distinction and alot of laughter - almost all of it directed at her.

An avid reader of Literary Classics, Jessica spent most of her child hood moving from country to country with her parents Micheal and Kerrie - who were soldiers with the Royal Australian Army. She spent most of her years shifting between army barracks in Victoria, Indonesia, Papua New Guinea and it's neighbouring islands.

Upon returning to Australia when she was seven, she lived in Puckapunyal, Victoria for several years, before her father retired from the army and took the family the Lismore, New South Wales. Jessica attended Caniaba Public School in Lismore -where she spent several years being ridiculed by her peers for her eccentricities and the fact that she was the youngest in her class - having skipped a grade in Puckapunyal.

Jessica would later claim that the funniest moment of her life was the discovery that her cheif ridiculer at Caniaba had become a single mother before either of them had reached grade 12. She described it as God's way of re-iterating her earlier assertions that the girl who'd made her life a living hell was the biggest whore she'd ever met.

Jessica later attended Lismore High School - where her peers continue to identify her as the oddball. After many long years of death threats, speculation over her sexuality, and a battle with depression, Jessica grew into a sarcastic, pessimistic and cynical young woman - a fairly reasonable distinction, and one she enjoyed living up to. She made up for the lack of social life by throwing herself into her studies and her love of the arts - joining a Drama Company and taking private tuition in vocal studies.

Upon entering High School, Jessica developed an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter and in particular, the character Neville Longbottom - whom she believed was the absolute pinacle of manly bravery and stylish geek vests, and she told everyone who would listen of these facts.
With a passion for writing and the arts, Jessica's HSC was completely devoid of all subjects which required actual analytical thought - excluding Legal Studies, which was her worst subject. She'd attempted Chemistry in her preliminary year - but dropped the subject 12 months later, vowing to throw herself off the Harbour Bridge if she had to discuss the composition of DNA one more time...

Jessica eventually moved to Sydney to study Journalism in an attempt to incorporate her love of writing with her desire to avoid working in the Fast Food Industry. She lived a quiet life in a small apartment - being too young to go to bars, and too old to get away with spending her days devouring Happy Meals in the McDonalds across the road from the Central. She leaves behind a Mother, a Father and a pet Howler Monkey who claims to be her little brother - an assertion she flatly denied until her dying day.